I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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