No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
