ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
