we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
