I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
