Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There r osticjed everywhere
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
