once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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