you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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