I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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