Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
