Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
