I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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