Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize