Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
