i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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