I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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