in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
