You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
