You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
