you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This house was built for laser tag.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
