That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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