It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
