im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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