Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
