You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My vagina just clenched in fear
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
