I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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