I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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