he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need moral support for this bender
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
