you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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