some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
