I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
