this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
