They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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