I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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