fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no, he came in my armpit
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
