fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just google imaged poop.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
