You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
