Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
