I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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