You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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