So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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