i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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