I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
