what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
