did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
