I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
