It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
