I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My feet surprised me
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