Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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