So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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