hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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