and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
