New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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