Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize