The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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