Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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