I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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