My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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