dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
