i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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