Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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