Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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