1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
